4 rituals that will make you mentally strong

4 rituals that will make you mentally strong4 rituals that will make you mentally strongGrit. Resilience. Mental toughness. We hear a lot about them these days. But maybe weshouldnt. Why?Because there have been good solutions tothe underlying problem for about, oh, 2000 years. The ancient Stoic philosophers really knew what they were doing when it came to building mental toughness. In factWhats the fruchtwein effective psychological toolwe have today? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Whats it based on? Stoicism.FromStoicism and the Art of Happiness Ancient Tips For Modern ChallengesStoicism provides a rich armamentarium of strategies and techniques for developing psychological resilience In a sense, ancient Stoicism welches the granddaddy of all self-help and its ideas and techniques have inspired many modern approaches to both personal development and psychological therapy. Its generally accepted that the modern psychotherapy that most resembles ancient Stoic remedies for emotional pr oblems is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and its precursor Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) CBT also happens to have the strongest evidence base, the strongest scientific support, of any modern form of psychological therapy.But a lot of people hear Stoic and think that meansSpock on Star Trek. Wrong. Its bedrngnis going to turn you into a emotionlessrobot. fruchtwein of us get alotof things wrong about Stoicism.The Stoics had some great tools to help fightnegativefeelings.And when youre good at dealing with the negative, you have more time for the positive. And that also helps you stay resilient when it feels like the world is out to get you.So lets learn the basics of what the guys-in-togasreallyhad to say and how it can make you more mentally strong so you can get what you want out of lifeYour stoicismcheatsheetStoicism. The word evensoundsserious. Dont let it scareyou.Zeno, the guy who founded the philosophy, used to teach on what welches basically a porch. The Stoa in Stoicism means porch. So if its less intimidating, think of this ancient wisdom as Porchism because thats basically what it translates as.Now Porchism encompasses a lot of different ideas but for our purposes well focus on two principlesthat are fundamentalFirst People are not disturbed by events, but rather by their judgments about events. Get fired? Sounds bad. End up getting a much better job? So getting fired was good. Pain in your arm? Uh-oh. But were you just in a car accident and the doctor said you might never regain feeling in your limbs? So pain is good. Eventsare neither good nor bad yourinterpretationof them ofthem is good or bad.Sowhen you blame events for your feelings, the toga-guys say youre just plain wrong. The rain didnt make you sad, yourbeliefsabout the rain made you sad.SecondIts critical to know what you can control and what you cant.And for the Stoics, the only thing you everreallyhave control over is your deliberate thoughts. You cant control other peopl e, you cant control nature, and you cant always control your own body. (Try wishing away your migraine and let me know how well that works.)When you get frustrated over something you cannot control (which is most things) youre pretending youre God. You feel you should have power over something you dont and thats why you get angry, frustrated or sad. Yeah, maybe people shouldnt do that, but theyare. Maybe it shouldnt be raining, but itis.You have to accept you do not have control over a lot of stuff- but that doesnt mean you give up. You can influence things and you can try to affect them, but when you delude yourself that you should have 100% control over an outcome, youre almost always going to find yourself emotionally upset if things dont go your way.Now both of these ideas - that youre disturbed by beliefs not events and that the issue of control is at the heart of negative emotions - are central to resilience and mental toughness. Lets learn how to put them to work.(To learn how to never be frustrated again, clickhere.)So a big challenge is on the horizon. Whats the first step to getting mentally stronger?Ask Whats the worst that could happen?Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopherMarcus AureliuswroteBegin each day by telling yourself Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishnessWhy in the world would you want to start the day withthatthought in your head? Because Marcusdidnt want to be surprised. He wanted to be prepared.We allknow people can be difficult. We all know you cant control what they do. If I just said that and nothing else, youd roll your eyes at me and wonder why you decided to read this. And yet when people aredifficult, youoftenrespondlike this was totally unexpected, and then youget angry. Does that make any sense?Reminding yourself of the worst isnt pessimism. Buying life insurance doesnt mean you want to die it means you realistically recognize it can happen and you want to be p repared. So Marcus reminded himself every morning that people were going to be difficult. That way it wouldnt surprise him, and he wouldnt get frustrated and just tell them all to go to hell.He could move right on to negotiating.When were unrealistically optimistic, when our expectations are totally out of whack, we get frustrated and give up. But by thinking about what could go wrong in any situation, youmentally prepare yourselffor it andyou keep on trucking.FromStoicism and the Art of Happiness Ancient Tips For Modern ChallengesSeneca writes that we should contemplate events in advance so that nothing ever takes us by surprise in this way, as What is quite unlooked for is more crushing in its effect, and unexpectedness adds to the weight of a disaster by magnifying the distress experienced (Letters, 91). He goes on to say that we should therefore project our thoughts ahead of us and imagine every conceivable setback so that we may strengthen the mind to cope with them, or as we put it today, to develop psychological resilience in the face of adversity.And if you spend some time thinking about the downside - experiencingthose bad feelings in advance - something else happens. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy calls it decatastrophizing. Thats a fancy word for realizing its not the end of the world.Your first day on the job, something wentwrong and you freaked out. A few weekslater, the saatkorn thing happened and youdidnt even blink. You got used to it.So taking the time to think through the worst that could happen, to feel the negatives before youreallyfeel the negatives, turns down the volume on those emotions when it counts. And that allows you to weather the storm.FromStoicism and the Art of Happiness Ancient Tips For Modern ChallengesAs in Stoicism, a broad range of situations are rehearsed, so that general emotional resilience can be developed, through a process explained by analogy with viral immunization. By exposing yourself to small doses of stress i n a controlled way, sometimes in imagination, you can build up stronger defences and become less vulnerable when confronted with a real-life problem. Psychological resilience tends to generalize, though, so that even situations that are neither anticipated nor directly rehearsed may be experienced as less overwhelming, as long as a wide variety of other adversities have been anticipated and coped with resiliently.(To learn the morning ritual that will keep you happy all day, clickhere.)So youve thought about the worst and youre prepared. Great. But now that big challenge is looming. Should you optimistically say, Im gonna win? Absolutely notUse a reserve clauseThe Stoic philosopher Epictetus called ithupexhairesis. Annnnnnd, lets just stick with calling it a reserve clause, shall we?When someone says, God willing or, Fate permitting, thats a reserve clause. Theyre acknowledging that at least part of the outcome is not undertheir control - and you know how the Stoics felt about cont rol.When you use a reserve clause,if things dont work out, you dont crater your self-esteem and give up on your goals. You know its not 100% in your control and therefore it cant be 100% your fault.This isntan excuse to be lazy. Its recognizing thatyou have control over process, not outcome. Saying, I am definitely going to get an A+ on that exam is a lie. Its outside your control. But saying, I am going to study my ass off is within your control.And by focusing on what you can control, you also give yourself a plan of action. If yourejust pollyanna optimistic about getting that A+, you can be lazy. By recognizing all you have power over is studying, then boom you know what you need to do next.If you think you can control outcomes, reality is eventually going to punch you in the face and let you know whos boss. And that will make you angry with yourself or angry with the world. And youll want to give up.Instead, focus on what you can control process. Plain and simple, do all that yo u can. Fate permitting, youll do well. And if you dont, then that wasnt under your control. So dont sweat it. In the words of the great Stoic,SenecaIn short, the wise man looks to the purpose of all actions, not their consequences beginnings are in our power but Fortune judges the outcome, and I do not grant her a verdict upon me.(To learn how 5 post-it notes can make you happy, confident and successful, clickhere.)Okay, so you thought about the worst and you were emotionally prepared. You used a reserve clause and did your best. But you still failed. Time to quit and be sad? No. Youre mentally tougher than thatTake the view from aboveWhen things get you down and you want to give up, the Stoics knew that what you needed was perspective. The world is a big place. Your life is long. But when youfeel like youscrewed up, youforget this and your minor setback is all you can think about.So take a step back. Look at the big picture. HeresMarcus AureliusMany of the anxieties that harass you are superfluous being but creatures of your own fancy, you can rid yourself of them and expand into an ampler region, letting your thought sweep over the entire universe, contemplating the illimitable tracts of eternity.Stoics like to take the view from above. Imagine viewing yourself from the sky. Now see how small you are compared to the city youre in. And how small that city is compared to the country. How tiny the country is compared to the world. And the world is just a blue dot in the galaxy.This doesnt mean youre insignificant. Youre getting caught in your interpretations of the events, and youre probably mistaken about what was under your control. Your problems are small. And much like you are tiny compared to the galaxy, your current problem is likely minuscule in the grand scheme of your life.Yes, you screwed up. But youve screwed up before - many times - and it felt like the end of the world then, too. It wasnt.Nobel prize winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman called th is commonerror afocusing illusionNothing in life is as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it.When you put problems into a bigger perspective like the view from above, you can resist the focusing illusion, and you can stay mentally strong under the most intense pressure.My friendJoe, an Army Ranger and Iraq war veteran, once took a job in a Hollywood agency mailroom. Those jobs are near-impossibleto get because itspretty much the only path to becoming a big shot agent in Tinseltown. But its also known for being one of the toughest jobs in a very tough industry.You work absurdly long hours for terrible pay and the level of abuse you deal with is the stuff of legend. I asked Joe how the heck he managed to put up with all the grief. He looked at me like I was crazy and saidEric,in my prior job peopleshot at me.Thats perspective. Thats the view from above.(To learn more secrets to grit - from a Navy SEAL, clickhere.)So you dont letfailure break your spirit. But ho w do you stay inspired to keep after your goals once youve been knocked down?Ask What would Batman do?Fine, fine, the Stoics never talkedabout Batman. But they might as well have. They did think a very important ritual was Contemplation of the Sage.The Sage is to Stoicism what becoming a Buddha is to Buddhism. Youve mastered the art.Youve beatenthe final level of the video game.Plain and simple, when you find yourself lackingstrength, the Stoics felt you needed a role model. Someone to look up to, and someone to be inspired by. Thinking about that person(even if they happen to be a fictional character who defends Gotham City) can give you guidance and fortitude. In the words ofSenecaChoose someone whose way of life as well as words, and whose very face as mirroring the character that lies behind it, have won your approval. Be always pointing him out to yourself either as your guardian or as your model. There is a need, in my view, for someone as a standard against which our characte rs can measure themselves. Without a ruler to do it against you wont make the crooked straight.How do you choose your role model? Ask yourself who you admire. Who you want to be.FromBuild Your Resilience Teach Yourself How to Survive and Thrive in Any SituationWhich qualities do you most admire in others? What sort of person, ultimately, do you want to be in life? If this is our standard then, in a sense, the concept of resilience must be subordinate to it. Resilience refers to your ability to remain committed to valued living, a life emulating your ideal, even in the face of adversity, and to re-commit to your values, getting back on course after a setback has led you temporarily astray.And, for the record, this isnt just a bunch of inspirational hooey from 2000 years ago. Research shows thinking about people you admire can help you make better decisions.Brian Wansinkteaches food psychology at Cornell University. Before kidsate a meal, heasked themto consider, What would Batman eat ? That one question made them much more likely to pick apple slices over french fries for lunch. What about with adults?Sameprinciple held true.Your heroes are strong. And they can make you strong too if you think about them when times are tough.(To learn more lifehacks from a variety of ancient thinkers, clickhere.)Alright, weve learned a bunch from the Stoics. Lets round it all up and find out the surprising way we can also get happier as we get mentally strongerSum upHere are the four Stoic rituals that can make you mentally strongerAsk, Whats the worst that could happen? You wont be surprised and youll be better prepared. And thats a prescription for perseverance.Use a reserve clause Fate permitting, it will help you persist after disappointment. (If not, its out of my control.)Take the view from above Put things in perspective. Whatever occurred, its probablynot the worst thing that has ever happened. (And if people shot at you at your last job, itdefinitelyisnt.)Ask, What woul d Batman do? Or Wonder Woman. Heroes really do guide our behavior and give us strength.Some people might still be a little scared toseriously think about Whats the worst that can happen? To be fair, the worst can be pretty bad at times. And even the Stoics knew thinking about this was not fun.But oddly enough, theres a very niceside-effect to considering awfulness it can actually make you happier. Yes,happier.You may have heard of a principle called the hedonic treadmill. Its one of the most depressing findings in happiness research. It says that we eventually adapt to whatever good things happen to us. You get a raise and then you take it for granted. New car? Youll take that for granted eventually, too.But when we imagine losing the things weve taken for granted,studiesshow the effect temporarilyreverses- we become grateful. And happierThe authors hypothesized that thinking about the absence of a positive event from ones life would improve affective states more than thinking abou t the presence of a positive event but that people would not predict this when making affective forecastsAs predicted, people in the former condition reported more positive affective states.You dont appreciate air conditioning until you step out into 100 degree weather. So dont be afraid to think about the worst. Much like the view from above it helps you put things into perspective.And try usingthe phrase fate permitting when youre facing a challenge. Seriously, give it shot. Its worked for 2000 years. After allWhats the worst that could happen?Join over 280,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.Related postsNew Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You HappyNew Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More SuccessfulHow To Get People To Like You 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior ExpertThis article originally appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.